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02/14/2007
02/04/2007
13) Picture Perfect
Monkey Majik +M-flo - Picture Perfect
God I never thought this would happen. But it's so damn sexy it hurts. Tho i'm almost sad Monkey Majik won't be my little awesome secret anymore. OWELL!
Oh the time that you were standing by my side
Yeah she's that picture perfect kind
I can't believe I was so blind
Do you remember that time
You know I stepped across that line
I made you cry and that's my crime
I wish that I could just rewind
01/29/2007
12) Oh what a end of the week.
Man this weekend felt quite long. But it was very fun and relaxing. Friday night after work a bunch of us went to Genba Karaoke in Cupertino. None of us had ever been there before. Sakura reccomended it after our sad attempt at karaoke in Hayward last Sunday.
The group was myself, Bryant, Christine, Jc, his gf Crystal, Nori-san, Kevin-san( =P), and Vince. At first we got the mostly-english room because I was afraid there'd be way too little english songs in the mostly-japanese room. We stayed in that room for almost 2 hours? They have a pretty cool system in that room where you get to use a bar code scanner to pick your songs. Leave it to Bryant though to use the scanner to scan a water bottle which then added 110 Thai songs to our playlist. Just had to be Thai songs too huh, Kongkachandra?
We got to hear some great tunes such as: Pump up the Jam, Automatic, Oh Sheila, and broken lyriced Killing Me Softly. By broken I mean "Killing someboy, with his gun."
Sadly the small amount of Japanese music in the 1st room didn't have any m-flo. Nor did it have the one song I wanted to sing from Hajime no Ippo: Yuuzora no Kamihikouki. That's my victory song for making it into the DS Players XD. I asked to see a copy of the booklet for the Japanese room and Nori-san pointed out that they had just about everything. So we off we went into the 2nd room.
Yuuzora no Kamihikouki, Little L, Eye of the Tiger, Sakura, Namida, random Kolean song that Christine sang were a few awesome songs I can remember off the top of my head. I got the one song I wanted so I was happy. But this place has freaking everything. Weirdly enough the english selection in the 2nd room was way better than the 1st. But the 1st did have a lot of OG stuff.
This was also my first time going to do Karaoke. So fun. It's going to be a great new stress-relieving addiction. Can't wait to go with Sakura because from what I hear she's just amazing when it comes to karaoke.
After karaoke Kevin, Bryant, Christine and I had some fun at Ihop then a crapload of Wii-tennis. Went home, crashed, might as well have had been rinse-and-repeat. We met up later at night to watch Epic Movie at Mercado. It was nowhere near as good as Date Movie, but it got the idoitic fun times job done. Then we just kinda chilled at Bryant's not doing much for until 5 am. Go federer tho!
And today was my supar chillax and wake up at 3am day. After a bit of WOW I did a crapload of cleaning up and some hw reading. Then I met up with Bryant and Christine in Millbrae to do some hw while they ate dinner. I wanna make a review for the 100% healthy place we went to tonight, but i'll have to actually eat more food there first.
Sakura's coming home on Wed and I can't wait. I miss her so much. I mean i've been having fun and all but it's not the same without her here. and today DID kinda suck because while I was sleeping for half of my afternoon, she was on a bullet train heading for tokyo =(. I also heard she dyed her hair. Gotsta be sexy. Heh.
I didn't get to practice or workout much this weekend but i'll have plenty of that going on for the rest of my weekends this year. DS player's classes/practice every Fri and Sat for me now so i'll be pretty busy from here on out.
Gotta lot of stuff on my mind as well, but i'll save that for another post.
01/26/2007
11) DS Players try-outs and results
So last friday I went to the DS player's tryouts. John had been training me for about 2-3 months for it and I was still so unsure if i'd do remotely well.
The tryouts were at mission college and there were 3 judges:
Ceech Jardy Dennis
Ceech was the only one I had really known of before the tryouts. A few years ago I used to watch a lot of his vids online and it amazes me that i'm there learning from him today.
Jardy is one of my favorite dancers to watch now as his House style is a work of art in motion.
And Dennis is a very very talented dancer. I love his style of lockin'.
John was the one who made up this amazingly hard choreography and he taught it to the 15ish people who came to audition. The choreo was mad awesome though. Supar funky. I didn't have too much trouble with it since i had been training with john for a few months and some of the choreo he made up to teach me made up the foundations for some of the 8-counts he used for the auditions.
When we had to fill out our register sheets and turn them in I had no idea the order would matter. Luckily(I suppose) for me I finished up first, turned it in and got the number 1 sticker. This mattered because after everyone was done learning the choreo and spending a few minutes working it over everyone would go in pairs in front of the judges. Each pair would perform the choreo twice and then after the second time each person would freestyle.
I ended up going with the Laura who was numbah 2 and looking back on it, i'm so grateful I went first and with her. She made us look GOOOOD. We both kinda lost our counts during the first runthrough of the choreo but we kicked ass on the second. I went first for the freestyle and I felt that I had done pretty well until I passed it off to Laura who freaking blew my mind. She did some nice clean lockin' moves then all of a sudden she runs halfway across the room, does a backflip, lands and ends in a split. I literally almost crapped my pants.
After everyone finished up Ceech announced that we would hear the results in a few days. That sucked cuz I was seriously hoping to find out the results that night and not have to wait anymore. Stupid pressure ya know?
Fast forward almost a week from the night and I got a call from Amy speaking on behalf of Ceech to let me know that i'm officially on the team.
(Haha sorry this is hellllza craaazy late. It was posted as private for forever >_<)
01/25/2007
10) Start it off black...
toss in some half & half
throw me the sugar.
Only I can do it just right.
I'm in a funny place in my life right now. I've been in a pretty good mood the past few days. Made a cool new awesome buddy! The first most important event of lockin' events this year has gone well (post to come with that later when i'm not mindsore). I've joined the 1% of American addiction and picked up burning legion. Now 99% of my life is gone. I've been going to the gym almost everyother day with Kevin. Lockin' is the best passion I could have ever come across. I'm in love with it. and most of all i'm extremely in love love. Saaaaaaa~
But i'm going through the worst family dilemma. It's never been like this before. It's never been so scary. Never so impossibly real. I don't want to go over the details here, but it's a huge make-or-break situation here. But i'll be strong and not think of weakness. I wish this could be hidden, but I can't blog like that.
Ever since i've been lockin', and possibly the gym, i've been feeling so much better. So much happier and so much more willing. I'm not tucked into my shell so much anymore. I'm the little koopa that could. I've been happy with the way school's been going too. I'm way more outgoing this semester for some reason. Constant introductions and able to at least give people some sort of a smirk when i can. and I even managed to get a study session together for saturday. Say whaaaat? I've even met a few people at the gym because I practice lockin' there when I can. Everyone's always interested in what kind of dancing i'm possibly disgracing =p
Haha I feel like i'm writing those posts I love to skip over.
Heh i'm sorta brain dead for a random post. Maybe a more focused one is in order..
01/23/2007
9) Lost in a daze
I've been sitting with my hands on my keyboard staring at this blank vox for a few minutes now. It felt like I was getting ready to play a magnificent piece of music. What kind of music? The sounds of my thoughts resonating on beat with my heart while in tune with my soul.
It's music not to be heard but to be read. Read to provoke inner thoughts and possible enlightenment. Music can tingle your inner being. My music's going to
... and then my mom called interrupting not just my train of thought for this post, but my whole life balance. I just recieved the most terrible news that i've ever had to hear. I'm not comfortable talking about it right now. Or rather I shouldn't because i'm probably just going to say all the wrong things. I guess the beginning of this post shows that I was subconsciously expecting something to happen tonight.
Tonight it just went all wrong.
This is nothing like House dammit. There should just be some goddamn magic pills.
i can't freaking think anymore. i'm just going to sleep and hope i wake up in time for school and actually go to school.
Stupid self-pity bs. I need to snap out of it and realize that i've gotta be a man for my family.
This all totally beat the hell out of everything i was dwelling over today up until it happened.
01/19/2007
01/16/2007
7) Quite an up and down day
I danced so freaking much today. I used all both of my breaks and my whole lunch break today at work to go outside with my new baby ILive boombox to just drill and get down. Even made a dollar doing it =P
Then Kevin and I had planned on going to the gym today because we scored free 8-weeks through discovery.com. Jossle came too. When we got there I saw they had an open studio! I was so freaking happy. I haven't been able to lock in front of mirrors yet so I really got a better idea of where I need to improve.
But when I was driving Kevin home I got pulled over for "speeding" but he only gave me a fix-it ticket for my headlight. So freaking lucky. Now i'm exhausted but i'm hoping to do it all again tomorrow. Except less lockin' at the gym and more burning sit-ups. It feels great trying to actually do something productive. Though I did get Wario Ware and I get Wow tomorrow. I hope this all lasts lol.
3 more days until the tryouts. God I hope i'll be ready.
01/15/2007
6) QotD: Can't Type It Rihgt
What word(s) do you always make a typo in?
My common one is "wait a sex" instead of "wait a sec". Well...at least I tell people it's a typo ^_-.
I try to correct typos before sending it off (in aim) but what I usually happens is that I just straight up use the wrong words in sentences.
For instance, I once wanted to ask about a reservation being made for a restaurant. Instead I asked about an appointment for the restuarant. Shane and Kevin had a good laugh about that one. Even tho it happened irl, similar things always happen online from time to time.
01/13/2007
5) Let's give this a real try for once
It's hard to remember the last time I've sat down to blog like this. Like what? Well it's past 1AM, i'm practically by myself, got a bird on my shoulder, i'm physically and mentally exhausted, stressed, and gettin eerily early depressed over the woman in my life. It has been about 4 years since I have sat down to recognize a night like tonight. Why 4 years? Because that's when Toi died.
Toi will always be in my thoughts. I loved him with forever in mind and forever will that love remain. Toi was my best friend that would love me unconditionally and I only realized this when he was taken from me. I cried so hard. So hard with the worst face directly at my family. Before we came across Wii, I had a pretty bad depression going on for 2 days. Even bought the movie Paulie because the bird in the movie was the same as Toi.
But like with all of the things I once loved but lost in the past, i'm surprised about how much i've forgotten about our time together. It's heart-wrenching because it's so different from blocking out your ex-girlfriends number that took weeks to memorize. I'm blocking out what could possibly cripple me with depression. Blocking out something that has already dealt a lot of damage to my persona. Blocking out my regret and possible hatred of even the closest of my friends and family.
I think about this because i'm not satisfied with who I am. This doesn't only have to do my career or current school status but with my insecurities mostly.
Trying my best to be completely honest here. Is honesty usually this hard? Well I guess i'm just a nice guy looking out for everyones feelings. Or a guy who's conceited and full of himself but doesn't want everyone to know just how much. Either way, i'll get through it.
...I wish I was drunk so I wouldn't remember this in the morning.
Because of Toi's death, faraway trips for either me or friend's/family scare me. I don't want to speak too much on this matter right now because Sakura is still out of the country. But she'll be safe and sound until she comes back home, ne?
How could an event like that NOT scar me in such a way? The whole time before we left for that LA trip I told myself it may not be the best idea in the world to go. Hell there wasn't even a girl involved that convinced me to go and I think that says a lot about me from back then. Eh...maybe I figured Disneyland would present itself with awesome eye candy oppurtunities..? Realistically I probably went for and was satisfied with the Turkey Leg.
It obliterated my trust that everything will be fine when you get back home. It shocked me to discover that death can come so easily. and it left me with regret. So much regret. Regretted those nights that Toi wanted to sleep with me, but I left him alone in the kitchen. Regretted those weekends i'd just up and leave the house for those crazy ddr gatherings. Regretted hitting him if he bit me. Regretted yelling at him for being so loud.
I remember one of the first nights I stayed home after it happened I cried myself to sleep wishing he would be noisy so I could yell at him.
ouch. Either I just had heartburn or I really hit a nerve.
I consider a scar like that to be easily curable. Just take more trips and make sure nothing happens. Easy enough right? Hell if I know, I like staying home now. But what about all these other fears stitched to my chest?
Well let's take my relationship for instance. It's absolutely perfect right now and it's always been up to this point. We've gone through a lot together especially since we lived with each other for a year. We've had fights. Big and small and we've overcome then and we're fine. We love each other and we're going to make a Brian Jr.(name pending).
But why do I worry that she could leave me in a heartbeat? Because of experience. Terrible experienceS I might add.
Coming to my relationship with Whitney...I learned something incredibly invaluable from that relationship that I wish I still had the same mentallity about when I went IN to that relationship. That relationship taught me shame and regret. REGRET was, simply, real for me finally. Regret for my decisions (poor or good), regret for my devotion, regret of my stupidity. Regret regret regret. Tonight's just full of it. It's okay, i'm laying down and taking this one for tonight. I need it.
Because of that relationship I have a fear of making a simple mistake that can cost me my relationship no matter how much I don't want the relationship to end. I suppose I should say I have fear*S*. and I bet that a lot of my close friends, especially Bryant and Jason, could name a few of these off in no time.
I fear straight screwing up, disappointing the girl, and sacrificing my passions and friends for the girl. Let it be known that one of my hugest fears is miscommunication along with no communication. I'm sure few will read this and think somewhere along the lines that I can't be scared of something so simple. It has to be more complex like talking crap about the girl's family, right? Wrong. I'm talking about missing a call, not making it somewhere in time thus disappointing someone, choosing something else over the girl on apparently the wrong day to make that decision. That's what I call pushing your luck on an unlucky day.
But with Sakura I obviously worry about more than just something petty like that. I only think of that during downtimes like these. Because i'm older than I was 4 years ago, I have way more to worry about. I've taken on a lot more responsibility in my life and i'm 3 laps behind in this race of life. I worry about if I can actually be a good husband, father, and let's use the word moneymaker because jossles old screenname used to be 'moneymakerpinoy' which was ironic because he was always borrowing money from me.
I bet if I didn't watch 'The Pursuit of Happyness' last week I wouldn't be as worried about this as I am right now. I love her to death and i'll never do anything to jeapordize our relationship. But can I be good enough as all of those things I listed above? What will it take to be successful and give her a proper life? I know these things are way far down the line, but at the rate i've been going I definitely have a reason to be worried.
I said i'm 3 laps behind right? School. Duh. I'd like to say that i'm convinced that most kids my age that stayed in college after high school are already either transferring to a state or university or maybe even going for a graduates. The rest of em are the one's that pursued jobs asap, like me, or just haven't gone at all. But at least they have party lives probably. Something i'm really missing from my life right now
This past week i've been stressing out because school starts next week. LJ already got full blast of this last night as she was luckily on aim to hear my cries of despair. I've been stressing because I need to manage 3 major things into my life every week. These would be Lockin, School, Work for the monies. Listed in order of importance. Lockin' will come first and foremost over everything this year. It's the only way I can be satisfied being able to call it my one true passion of this year. School I obviously need and I want to get it over with fast which means trying to take on more credits per semester. But that means more time in school every week and the more i'm in school the less i'm at work and the less money I make. Money I need for lockin' and school.
The way it worked out last semester, I didn't save up jack for cash. Maybe it was just due to a lot of bad luck and plenty of dork-like releases but doing only 3 days a week really hurt my bank account. I've always been terrible at managing money. Have I mentioned that? Because I should more often. Maybe i'd remember it for once.
LJ said should really come down to what I want to be doing in the future for a career. I don't have an answer to that yet but I do know what i'm interested in. I said that I want to major in intl business. Was that decision made to become a company owner to a company not even yet made up? No. It was for Konami because I finally realized that I have had the amazing oppurtunity to work with what I didn't even realize was my FAVORITE video game company. Besides Nintendo. Squaresoft in a very close 3rd. Damn those final fantasy games.
So. I want to stay with Konami in the future but I would really like to make something out of it and become a someone. I really don't want to be at the same position I'm in now in a few years. But there are a lot of things preventing it from happening right now. For one, my department holds no future for me. None. Why? Work ethics and drama. To my superiors, new and old, i've never been a 5 star employee and i've even been fired once. I'm viewed as not to be trusted with much responsibility and as a slacker who really just gets through the days. I'll never be offered a better position even if I kiss ass. I've tried to make a better position for myself but after a year of trying to do it, you just kinda have to let it go. It wasn't even a better position I was going for. It was to make more money which would have hopefully reaffirmed my decision for not going to school for this job. Sure it's a job I love and i'm very much qualified to do it, but was it worth sacrificing a few years of college progression and growth? Not anymore. Not after I know that i've come across a brick wall i'm not passing through or climbing over. Even though some others were possibly given what could be a helping hand over the wall.
Jealous much? Very. I've been confused about what attitude I should take towards work. Should I still try to care about becoming something more/making more money? Or should I just be a nice little QA peon that will get the work done and make sure people don't get mad at the people i'm working for? I mean cuz I know i'm already screwed right? Ain't no more money oppurtunities passing by me. I should be learning from everyone's mistake their and just leave. But i'm way too comfortable there.
I could have been in college when I was 17. I will never let go of that. Cause it sucks SO much to think about. The girl was really worth it back then huh, Brian?
Bitter much. Extrordinarily.
The best thing that i've thought to do about this semester is to leave work for until the summer. This would allow me to take all the classes I wanted and i'll free up my schedule for all the lockin' I'd now be available for. But here lies my problem with this decision. Without that small but important financial security I won't be able to use or keep my car for very long. I won't have the gas money to make it to and from the So. bay for classes and practices for lockin'.
I wish I had an extremely easy moneymaking scheme. It would answer all of my problems.
I also thought of trying to take more online classes to compensate for less in-class time but still have a decent amount of units, or taking less classes altogether to really focus on saving up a lot of money for when i'm not in school. But devoting more hours into work means more of a different kind of stress then that fun learning kind and a lot more tiring days. This will deprive me of proper energy and sleep that I need for lockin' if I want to take it as seriously as I do.
Sooo what do I do? What to do. And I can't even work out something with Sakura cuz she's gone for a few weeks =/. Gotta make all these shots on my own and I hope i'm not screwing over something she has in mind for us.
I'll figure something. I kinda have to by wednesday.
The reason I think of all this and finally get it out of my mind is because of the practice I had earlier with Team Rock-it. I had my first training in battling 2-on-2 and let's just say I performed less than satisfactory. Kinda hard to lock properly when your muscles won't relax after being affected by so much stress. and I think of how unsatsified with who I am because I now lack a lockin' persona because of it all. I just become this worried little screw up noob who's too scared to not be original. So afraid of needing to perform well and at least meet my (high) expectations of myself resuting in low performances. Did I mention I lack the carefree focus mind I need for freestyle? No? Because i'm so screwed with 'em.
That's most of my real dilemma pretty much. Other aggravating problems include my car, family, lack of Sakura living with me, aaaaand...
my anti-socialness. I consider terrible. Undesirably terrible especially for my standards. I can probably think about when it first started but it's irrelavent at this point. The point is that at some point I just stopped trying to talk to people. A lot of people. Friend's i'd talk to at least on a weekly basis. Friend's that I would always be kept up with and everything. I use to come home just to be availble on aim all the time. and the effort put into that was usually worth it. but now I un-idle myself for practically no reason. I have become just another empty sn on everyones buddy list. Don't bother im'ing me because everyone's learned that I just won't ever respond. At least if I didn't the first 50 times why would I on the 51st? And I realized last night how pointless my cell phone is if Sakura isn't available for me to call and vice-versa. Just another expensive gadget already behind in terms of how outdated it is with the new cell phones out now. Just another fancy decoration that may hold someones number if i'm not too lazy to save it.
But yeah i realized that i'm absolutely scared of trying to talk to people now. Especially people I haven't really spoken to in a while. Maybe I just hate that feeling of "Man, why is this guy im'ing now?" that I may give to people. Bad experiences really seep into the bone and into the mind huh?
The internet is so dead to me now. It used to be such a means of keeping in touch with everyone important to me. Now it's just boring and practically lifeless. LJ made such a good point to me though yesterday. She said that it's good that I seem to care about how my absence may have affected my friends in terms of friendship and all that jazz. I was never able to think about any of this stuff in a good way ever. That's the first nice thought in a long time about my attitude toward everyone.
I know everyone's busy with their own lives just as I have been. As LJ said, I just have a lot of things on my plate. My reply to this was "and I want someone to eat with me. Candlelight dinner for one gets kinda lonely after a while"
I think it's about time I call it a night. Looks like i won't be making it into work tomorrow for OT. I'll just sleep until I wake up with all these sores in my body. I know my legs are going to be screaming bloody murder when I wake up cuz of all the high kicks I was doing today.
Tomorrow i'm going to a Poppin' and House workshop and afterwards i'm going to a gathering to watch Snakes on a Plane with alchohol involved. Should be fun. At least it'll keep my mind off the real deal of stress for a while. Doesn't keep my mind off Sakura though. It's only been 1 days and i'm feeling pretty screwed over here. Should've seen how happy I was when she emailed me with her grandma's cell phone to let me know she made it there safely. Such a relief.
Well, til next time.
- Lil b
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